The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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