I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
there is glitter all over my balls
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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