All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
