I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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