the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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