Heybabeimwearingurpanties
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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