I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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