Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
