Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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