Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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