My Higher Power is John Stamos
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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