So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I don't think brook has ever known best
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
