i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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