good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
