i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
