You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
