I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
