At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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