a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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