Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
