Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize