I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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