she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
