talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
