if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
