Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
