She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
