You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
