Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
