Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
