were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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