So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
