does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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