I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
