$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
