If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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