I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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