Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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