the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize