I think I am morally bankrupt
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
so much tequila, so little girl.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
