just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
