"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
