i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize