I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
