I love black thongs
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
