to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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