Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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