I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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