3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
