i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
