I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize