I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
