We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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