i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
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