I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
