Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
