NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Randomize
