Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize