Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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