You're my little dorito
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
