Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
ttyl tear gas
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
