His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
