I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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