I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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