you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
