I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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