Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
