I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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