Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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