I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
A+ Viking dick
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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