I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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