3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
