Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
