You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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