I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
