i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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