listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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