Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
