May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
