I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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