You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Dicks are not precious.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
