she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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